Over 40,000 Famous Quotes Sorted By Topic and Author

Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their familiescame and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, So. What did you think?.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps

I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.