Over 40,000 Famous Quotes Sorted By Topic and Author

A certain man had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?". "I didn't think I needed to," Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse.".

A child will perform from their mind for their coach/teacher, but for a parent they perform from their heart.

A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.

A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody has.

A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

A clergyman had just enjoyed a hearty chicken dinner at the home of a rural parishioner. Gazing out the window, he remarked: "That rooster seems a mighty proud and happy bird.""He should," the host replied. "His oldest son just entered the ministry.".

A closed mind is a good thing to lose.

A college professor asked his class a question. If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I.One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor your 44.." The Professor said "you're absolutely correct, but tell me how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor I have a brother, he's 22 and he's half nuts.".

A Committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

A conference is a gathering of important people who individually can't do anything but together can decide that nothing can be done.

A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago.

A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.

Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".

A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table!

Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin.".