The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching." Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One of the boys wrote a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples.".

happy smoke (marijauna).

Every day is a gift- even if it sucks.

Money speaks sense in a language all nations understand.

I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

I'm up to my neck in the real world, every day. Just you try doing your VAT return with a head full of goblins.

which is in the hands of malecontents who have failed in their career.

We must all hang together or assuredly we shall all hang separately.

I do not like work even when someone else does it.

The metaphor is perhaps one of man's most fruitful potentialities. Its efficacy verges on magic, and it seems a tool for creation which God forgot inside one of His creatures when He made him.

When you are aspiring to the highest place, it is honorable to the second or even the third rank.

He scorn'd his own, who felt another's woe.

I can not dial 911. There's no 11 on my phone.

It is not our circumstances that create our discontent or contentment. It is us.

Whatever thy hand findest to do, do it with all thy heart. -Jesus Christ.

Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different.

Existence is a strange bargain. Life owes us little; we owe it everything. The only true happiness comes from squandering ourselves for a purpose.

I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones.

Anger opens the mouth and shuts the mind.