Over 40,000 Famous Quotes Sorted By Topic and Author

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.

Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.

We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified.

It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

Not only is there no God, but trying getting a plumber on weekends.

The only way to be happy is to love to suffer.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things.