He/She can eat cookies/crackers in my bed.

If your head wasn't screwed on you'd lose that too.

hungry like a big dog (southern).

One brick short of a load (reference to being stupid).

Better than a kick in the ass with a frozen boot ( reference to being better than something potentially worse).

that's enough to piss off the good humor man!

that's all she wrote!

day - at the end of the day.

Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free ?

(to describe a well-proportioned woman) like two tomcats in a gunny sack.

A good man is hard to find.

It ain't over until the fat lady sings.

He was on that like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat.

slow as shit through a tin horn.

Have to go like a rushing racehorse.

Put a fork in me, I'm done.

The devil you know is better than the devil you don't know.

Useless as a piss hole in the snow.

Useless as a screen door on a submarine.

Tighter than Dick's hat band.