Over 40,000 Famous Quotes Sorted By Topic and Author

A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.

A kid's idea of a balanced diet is a hamburger in each hand.

A king's castle is his home.

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

Alcohol preserves everything but not dignity.

A leading authority is anyone who has guessed right more than once.

A life with love will have some thorns, but a life without love will have no roses.

Alimony: funds which allow a woman who lived unhappily married to live happily unmarried.

Alimony is having an ex-husband you can bank on.

A little boy asked his mother why the minister got a month's vacation while his dad only got two weeks. The mother answered, "Well, son, if he's a good minister, he needs it. If he isn't, the congregation needs it.".

A little boy's prayer. "Dear God, please take care of my daddy and my mommy and my sister and my brother and my doggy and me. Oh, please take care of yourself, God. If anything happens to you, we're gonna be in a big mess.".

A little boy was saying his bedtime prayers with his mother:"Lord, bless Mommy and Daddy, and God, GIVE ME A NEW BICYCLE!!!"Mom: "God's not deaf, son.Boy: "I know, Mom, but Grandma's in the next room, and she's hard of hearing!

A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates.When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear; "Don't pay for me Daddy, I'm under five.".

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?""Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago.""Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?""Yes, indeed honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?".

All bicycles weigh 50 pounds, except that a 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock, a 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock, and a 50 pound bicycle does not need a lock.

All fingers are not alike, If you cut bigger ones to make all equal it is communism, If you stretch smaller ones to make all equal it is socialism, If you do nothing to make all equal it is capitalism.

All I ask for is the opportunity to prove that money doesn't buy happiness.

All men can fly, but sadly, only in one direction -- down.

All men make mistakes but married men find out about them sooner.

All mothers are working mothers.