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Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting.

Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

Marriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.

In matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved.

Epperson's law: When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing, and then they marry him.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

All this talk about equality. The only thing people really have in common is that they are all going to die.

If all men are born free, why is it that all women are born slaves?

Certainly the best works, and of greatest merit for the public, have proceeded from the unmarried, or childless men.

Study to be quiet, and to do your own business. .

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.

Want him to be more of a man? Try being more of a woman!

I've had the boyhood thing of being Elvis. Now I want to be with my best friend, and my best friend's my wife. Who could ask for anything more?

Some men are born with cold feet; some acquire cold feet; and some have cold feet thrust upon them.

While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.

There are three things men can do with women: love them, suffer for them, or turn them into literature.

For a male and female to live continuously together is...biologically speaking, an extremely unnatural condition.

I married beneath me. All women do.